"CURE ALL"

In keeping with the spirit of Christmas, Let's talk about 

Naughty mouths!!

"Hey Jules,

Thought of you this morning when it was recommended for me to put Tabasco Sauce on my two-year-olds tongue for biting.

If I remember right you and Ryan did/or do that to your kids for lying (right?)...if i'm wrong just disregard this :)

My little guy is a biter. and seriously he just keeps getting worse and more frequent. The first time it happened i reacted so quickly, and probably in the wrong way.. he cried and apologized, but he hasn't stopped. I have paddled him, I have bit him back, I have taken away toys. Seriously, i feel like i've done everything. I'm out of ideas. But, it really needs to stop. I have friends now that won't let their children play with him- and I just can't have that. My mom was the one that thought maybe some Tabasco might do something. So, i'm wondering 2 things. 1- how did you administer the tabasco, and 2- what would you do? have your children ever bitten or been bit? I'm thinking you'll have something up your sleeve that might work. 

Thanks!"
______________________________________________________

"Julie,

I was wondering if you have any ideas for dealing with a sassy, back-talking toddler.  My daughters mouth is just out of control already, and she is only 3!  Thanks in advance!"

______________________________________________________

     I received both of these questions in my e-mail box yesterday.  The funny thing is that I use the same form of discipline for both cases!  First of all, I just want to reassure both of you girls that asked me those questions, that this is VERY, VERY, typical toddler behavior.  Your kids are not horrible menaces!  Every child I have ever nannied for, as well as all of my own children have bitten and back-talked!  

     While is is very typical behavior, it isn't behavior that can continue, and it is always frustrating to try to figure out what form of discipline is going to appeal to your child's heart, and make them change their ways!  Both of those behaviors, biting and sassing, are manipulative acts meant to establish dominance over the other person.  Manipulation and bullying is never something a parent should overlook or let become a habit. 

     As for the biting, all three of my oldest kids have been biters, especially the boys.  My daughter only bit one particular kid, but numerous times.  Unfortunately, that kid was the son of a missionary couple that did parenting seminars and classes.  Of all kids for her to bite!  I felt like the worst parent in the world, and the parents quite leaving their son in the nursery because of Molly biting him.  I still to this day, don't know what caused Molly to bite only Seth, other than the fact that she just plain old didn't like him!  

1.  Look for a trend with the biting.  Is there a trigger cause?  

  

My boys mainly bit each other, their cousins, and my husband and I.  They weren't just little bites either, they broke the skin, and left huge bruises!  Neither one of my boys communicated very well verbally until the were well over 2 1/2 years old.  I started noticing a trend in their biting habits.  Usually the bite was preceded by some valiant efforts to communicate.  Wether it was asking for juice, trying to get a toy back from another kid that took it from them, etc.  They were trying to communicate something to us and we were either misunderstanding them, or ignoring them.  Both Luke and Joseph used their biting when they were frustrated, or really trying to get us to pay attention to them.

We also noticed that they only bit the people that they were really familiar with, and those of us that were used to tuning them out.  (their cousins, siblings, and my husband and I)  After I realized that some of the biting behavior was our fault, I really tried to change our end of it, by paying attention to the non-sensible chattering, grunting, whining, and fussing that I usually would have tuned out.  As an experiment, I also talked with the older siblings, cousins, and playmates and told them to give it a try.  Sure enough!  The biting was greatly diminished!  

      While we were all in the wrong for ignoring them and tuning them out, it doesn't excuse their wrongful response (biting) and I didn't want to let them establish bullying and hurting other people as a habit, just so they could acknowledged or get their own way.  

     Every single one of my kids has been sassy too!  Since lying, sassing, tattling, biting, whining, and bad words are all sins or behaviors using the same device, the MOUTH, it only seems appropriate that you deal with the MOUTH!    

     When I was a little girl, putting a soap bar or dish soap in a kids mouth for biting, lying, sassing, bad words, etc. was a pretty standard form of punishment.  Now, we all realize that dish soap and bar soap have harmful substances in them, and are not meant to be ingested!  They contain phosphates, carcinogens, dye, etc. which are all lethal to the human body.  Even if you just have to hold the bar of soap on your tongue without swallowing, you still are absorbing those harmful agents.  It only takes 14 seconds for your body to absorb what is touching your skin, and for the substances to reach your bloodstream.  I DO NOT recommend this as a form of discipline!  

     You want to leave a lasting impression on your child, without being abusive or leaving any long term effects!  I always explain to the child in question that they were very naughty with their mouth, and THEY need to make better choices.  For older children I tell them about how the mouth can do severe, long-lasting damage to people and that it is also one of the hardest things to learn to control.  That's a little deep for toddlers, but starting about 4 or 5 they can understand what you are talking about!  I then use something that we have called "Cure All."

It is just a nasty concoction of vinegar and tabasco sauce, but it sure has been the "Cure all" for the sins of the mouth!

      I use a small baby Tylenol bottle with the dropper in the cap.  I fill it with apple cider vinegar, and then add 5 drops of Tabasco to the mix.  When the child has lied, bitten, sassed, etc. they get a dropper bull of Cure All in their mouth.  Yes, I make them swallow it, and yes I have tried it myself.  Apple Cider Vinegar actually has a lot of health benefits, and is an ingestible by-product of a fruit.  Tabasco Sauce is also ingestible, and comes from a vegetable, so this is not a risk to their health, and it is not abuse!  The Tabasco is diluted so it is not going to burn them, but yet strong enough to leave a lasting impression that their behavior is unacceptable.  

     It is important to be consistent.  Maybe the behavior continues after you have tried the Cure All.  You have to keep at it though, and always follow through with the same exact discipline.  It took the child some time to establish the bad habit, and it will take them some time to stop the bad habit...just like it is for us as adults!  My oldest kids are 9 and almost 7, and they still fear the Cure All!  

     It is also important to work on the repentance part of the discipline as well.  After the discipline has taken place, always have the child apologize and ask for forgiveness from the person that they sinned against.  They need to face the music, and make things right with the other person.

Decorating 101 - "Re-staging" your home

     When decorating my home, or consulting with clients on decorating their homes, I try to always utilize what is already available and on hand.  I personally do not have a decorating budget per-se',  so I have to think outside of the box and be extra creative.
     I know that the term "home staging" in the decorating world is most often used in reference to furnishing and preparing your home to sell.  I look at it a little bit differently.  Your home is the place where a lot of life plays out, and it is the backdrop for the main characters in your life story.  You want your home to reflect your personality and style, and be comfortable for you and your family.  How this ends up looking is different in every single home.  I like to think of "staging" as furnishing your home to live in it, and "re-staging" your home as rethinking and preparing your home to flourish in it!
     So, lets say that your home just doesn't quite feel finished to you, or it needs to be updated, or it just isn't to your taste, etc.  Fixing these issues isn't going to require a huge commitment of money necessarily on your part.  It will require some elbow grease and some creativity, but you can do it!  I believe in you!  So, where do you even start?  At the beginning!

1.  Look at the "bones" of the rooms you need to conquer, and the "bones" of the furnishings you have to work with.  Once again, I am going to use some pictures from my house, because a. they are available, and b.  I feel much better about picking apart my own home then somebody else's!

     This is how the master bedroom of our house looked when we moved in.  YUCK!  I had to see beyond the hideous carpet, the ugly pink paint color, and the disgusting curtains and look at the "bones."

Potential in the "bones"-
A.  You can't see it in this picture because it is all painted the same color....pink, BUT...there is very nice crown molding, baseboards, 6 panel doors, and window frames in this bedroom.  Yeah...they painted it all the same color, unbelievable!
B.  Another plus to this room is that the walls were in really great shape.  They are the typical lath-and-plaster that you find in old houses, but no cracks or holes in them.
C.  Two very cute windows in the room that are not the typical size or shape.  It adds a uniqueness to the room.
D.  Interesting ceiling angles where the dormers are in the roof line.

My "hate list"- (This is the obvious, very fixable stuff I can't stand about this room.)
A.  Gaglicious Carpeting
B.  Pale, pathetic, paint choice
C.  Horrible, ridiculous, nauseating curtains.
D.  Awkward shelf on the wall to hold a t.v.
E.  The furnishings.

     Maybe some of this seems really basic and obvious, but some people just can't see past what is right in front of them, hence the specifics!


Now it's your turn!  Look at the "bones" of your room.  What do you love about the room?  What do you hate about your room?

2.  When you strip the room down to the bare bones, you are left with the basic shell of it.  What do you envision for the flooring?  The trim work?  The wall color?  That's your next step!  

The Redecorating Process

     We re-carpeted the room with a very neutral berber carpet.  The wood work was all painted white, which makes the room have a nostalgic feel characteristic of the era in which the house was built.  We chose to add bead-board and chair rail to the room for visual interest, and once again to add character to the room.  Finally, we painted the walls a versatile tranquil blue.
     While all of these things are a vast improvement from the putrid pink disaster it was, it is still far from looking finished.  This is where the "re-staging" aspect comes in.  First let me point out the flaws with what is going on in this picture!
A.  Notice the two different heights, and wood tones of the bedside stands.  I got them both at garage sales, and well, that's what I had so that's what I used!  They both are well constructed, and in good shape though, so the "bones" of them had potential!
B.  I have a nautical bedspread on the bed, with a north-woods lodge style headboard.  Those aren't even in the same decorating family, and it looks schizophrenic!  Once again though, it's what I had on hand when we moved in!
C.  The lamps are dull.  Black, wrought iron lamp-stands, with blah dirty white lampshades.  That just says snooze to me!

The Re-staging process

So, what do you do with this when you have no budget to work with?  Work with what you have!  "Re-stage!"

     I am not a flowery type girl, and I didn't want my bedroom to feel overly feminine.  After all, I do share it with my husband, and I want him to like the room too!  Just like I wouldn't enjoy a camouflage or NFL themed room, he wouldn't enjoy flowers!  After two years of looking for exactly what I had envisioned for a bedspread, I FINALLY found it!  And...at Walmart of all places!  I found this beautiful cherry wood head board and foot board at.....drumroll please........freecycle.com!  That's right, it was completely free!  (Shout out to Deb for gifting us with this beautiful piece of furniture!)  The dark furniture is perfect for this room because it provides a visual focal point.  Plus with the ornateness of the bed, as well as the dark contrast with the walls, it contributes a dramatic flare while still keeping things simple.

     Next in the "re-staging" process I tackled the side tables.  My husband cut the legs off of the taller table, so that there was balance.  I painted both tables the same rich chocolate color to fix the problem of the different wood colors.  This was a simple task that cost $10 total.
     Next problem...the lamps.  I found these wonderful, chocolate brown, velvet lampshades at IKEA.  The round shape to them also adds some drama and visual interest.  I spray painted the dull, black, wrought iron lamp stands a tan color, and then top coated them with a very light coat of brown Rust-oleum Multicolor Textured spray paint.  Total cost for lamp re-stage = $22
     The window shades are a light tan, velvet, room-darkening, IKEA find as well.  I went with tan because I didn't want the window shade to be the focal point like it would be if I used brown.

     I repainted and fixed an old brown dresser that was falling apart.  I painted it white so as not to attract attention to that particular piece of furniture, because it still isn't in the best shape!  I also didn't want it to be a focal point in that part of the room.

     This dresser / armoire has been in the family for 50+ years.  It originally belonged to my husband's uncle when he was a little boy.  Uncle Cory died when my husband was young, and this dresser is a neat reminder of him.  The dresser was in pretty rough shape, but with a little bit of creativity and elbow grease, it is a great piece of furniture again.  This dresser provides a little bit of visual interest against a very bare wall that is opposite of the bed.  It works in that location because it isn't the first thing you see when you walk in the room, so it isn't competing with the focal point, which is the bed / headboard.

  

     Take a look at your own pieces of furniture and accessories.  How can you make them work?  Maybe you'll have to saw off some legs to a table, fix some broken drawers, or get out your paintbrush.  You'll be very pleased with how it turns out though, and it is an easy and inexpensive fix.  Go for it!  Be daring and creative!

                           BEFORE                                                                           AFTER

Decorating 101 - Linking rooms with color

 In my previous blog, we talked about paint color choices for the interior of your home. Next I want to talk about decorating congruity.  One thing that many people underestimate is the importance of linking the rooms of their house together with paint color.  This is especially important if you have an open floor plan for your house, or if you can see from one room to the next.  The color relationships between rooms can result in either your house feeling very choppy and incongruent,  or harmonious and smooth.  It is challenging to give each room and identity of it's own around the room's intended function, but yet also create a feeling of unity, and harmonious flow.

     You can achieve this sense of unity in your home by using several very basic elements.  Usually the most basic unifying element is the woodwork, it acts as a unifying thread throughout your house, that runs from room to room.  Baseboards, crown molding, doors, and window frames should be the same style and color from one room to the next.  

    Another basic element that produces the sense of congruity, is to use a thread of color to connect your living spaces.  The color that is chosen as the linking theme can be used in different amounts and intensity's throughout your house, varying from room to room.  For an example of this, I am going to use my own house.  We are far from being done with the decorating, but we like to pay for what we do in cash, so it is a slow process!  The pictures below are how things currently exist!

     This is our living room. It is the first room you enter off of the front porch. The color I have chosen as the continuous thread throughout the main level of our house is......RED. In this room red is used in the striped curtains, accent pillows, rugs, a red chair and ottoman, and a red t.v. cabinet. I also use TAN as a color thread on the main floor of our house. Here I use tan in the accent pillow, lamp shade, and rugs. It is hard to tell from this particular picture, but the crown moldings, window frames, and baseboards are all the same style from room to room, and all painted the same color. This room opens into the dining room.

     In the dining room I choose one wall as my red accent wall.  I can get away with having a red wall in the dining room because if you remember from here, red makes you hungry and talkative!  I choose to paint the window wall the red color because, with much of the wall being a window, it doesn't make the room feel dark or overwhelming.  The other walls are painted a delicious Oatmeal tan color.  It helps balance the effect of the red wall.  Even though you can't see it, there is a door on the right that leads into the kitchen.

     Our house was built in the early 1930's, so I wanted to stick with that general era in my decorating.  It was very common then to use lots of color in the kitchen, so I went with traditional 1930's color's.  I used the same red and oatmeal tan that I used on my dining room walls to continue my color thread, along with a great "spring apple green."  This hue of green is cheery and bright, but still has a calming effect.

     Doorway leading from the kitchen into the living room.  Connected with the red and tan color theme, as well as the white trim.

     From the dining room you enter the computer room/homeschooling room.

       
      Once again, the walls are a oatmeal tan color, with red accents.  I also incorporated the use of the navy accents which works because the living room has a lot of navy in it as well.  The result is a very calming effect that is a great learning environment.  
     I am not claiming to be the absolute expert, nor am I claiming to have the perfect house.  I am simply trying to point you in the right direction for making your home pleasant, personal, and appealing.

Decorating 101 - Paint colors

     One of the things in life that I am most passionate about is my home.  The home should be a haven from the outside world: a place to belong, to be loved, and to be relaxed.  I go to great lengths to make sure that my home is clean, organized, and decorated in an appealing and current fashion.  
     While I am not the ultimate, all-knowing guru regarding decorating, I do know quite a bit about it.  I took several design classes in college, and then worked as an interior design consultant for several years.  My main areas of interest in the decorating realm lie in "re-staging and decorating on a dime."  I don't have a lot of money to work with for my own personal home decorating, and neither do most of my clients.   I mainly focus on working with what is available, and try to spend as little money as possible.  It is amazing what you can do with what you have!  All it takes is a little bit of creativity, elbow grease, and a willingness to think outside of the box.  Because I've had some requests for decorating tips, I have decided to share some with you and to start at the very fundamental basics.  
     
     First, you have to be able to see potential in what you are looking at.  One of the things that drive me crazy when I watch decorating shows, or when I've house shopped with friends, is when they walk in a house and say comments like the following:
"I couldn't ever live here because,"
1.  "I hate the carpet"
2.  "The wallpaper is awful"
3.  "I hate the color of the walls"


Those statements drive me crazy because all of those complaints are EXTREMELY EASY to fix!  You need to look at the basic "bones" of the house, the rooms, etc. and look at things such as:  
1.  Do you like the character of the house?
2.  Do you like the layout?
3.  Is the house in decent condition?  (the roof, the siding, etc.)  


If the "bones" of the house are good, the sky is the limit on what you can do to make it feel like home.


So, let's start with paint colors.
Did you know the room color influences your mood and thoughts?  Even the different shades and tones of those colors make a noticeable difference, so it is important to choose wisely!
You want your home to reflect who you are, but you want to present that in an appealing way, and in a pleasing combination.  Color combinations can be one of the most intimidating  steps in the whole redecorating process.  
    You need to start with evaluating what mood you want to create in the room you are going to tackle, and what colors will help you create the desired mood.    For instance, if it is a bedroom, you probably want to create a relaxed mood, instead of a stimulating environment.  Let's look at an overview of colors and the general feelings/moods that they create:
RED- Makes you feel hungry, a stimulate, raises blood pressure, produces feeling of anger, and raises energy levels, tends to draw people together and stimulate conversations- not the best choice for bedrooms, but works great in moderation in a dining room or a kitchen.
Yellow- Also a simulate color.  It often makes you feel awake and energized, can make a room seem welcoming, but also tends to make people feel frustrated.  Again, not a very good choice as the primary color in a bedroom, but works nicely in a kitchen, bathroom, or dining room.  
Blue-Know for it's calming, relaxing, and serene qualities.  It brings blood pressure down, and slows the heart rate.  This is a wonderful color for bedrooms, bathrooms, family rooms, and living rooms.  This is a tricky color to work with though to get the desired effect.  Dark blues can produce feelings of sadness, while very light pastel blues can make a room feel cold.  Try to work with warmer, softer tones of blue like turquoise, or periwinkle for example.  
Green- Also know to be relaxing and calming, and is actually considered the most restful color for the eye.  Because of this, it is a great color for any room of the house.  It is refreshing and cheerful, but not a stimulant.
Purple- The darker hues are dramatic, sophisticated, rich, and produces moods of creativity.
The lighter tones are warm and restful, similar to blues.
Orange-produces feelings of excitement, energy, and enthusiasm.  Not a good idea for a bedroom or a living room if you want a relaxing environment, but great for an exercise room!     
Black- Adds depth, grounds the color scheme, and very versatile.  Not recommended as the primary color for your walls, but great as an accent color.  
White- Once again very versatile, and great as an accent color.  White walls tend to make a room seem incomplete and expansive, and bring out feelings of frustration.  
Tan and brown- Very neutral colors that are warm and relaxing when used in moderation.  Use the darker tones in moderation as to not add a "heaviness" to the room, which evokes a depressive mood.


These are just general guidelines to color selection.  Ultimately, it comes down to YOUR personal preferences.  It is important to remember too that light colors make a room seem larger, while dark colors make a room feel smaller.
     After deciding on the general mood that you want to create in the room you are decorating, I highly recommend that your next step be to go to your local paint store and gather paint swatches in the colors you are thinking about using.  Bring them home, and look at them on the walls that you intend to paint.  It is important to see how your paint color looks with the natural lighting in the room.  Sometimes the natural light can bring out things in the color that you never would have seen before.  For example, it can make a dark red look more like it is in the hot pink family, or make a yellow color seem more orange.  
    Lastly, when filling your paint order, you will need to know what paint finish you want to use.  Paint comes in a variety of finishes;
Flat or matte-does not reflect light, so it is good for covering blemishes.  Not very washable, so it wouldn't be a good choice for high-traffic areas.
Eggshell- only slightly reflects light.  Somewhat washable.
Satin- Holds up to light cleaning or scrubbing.  Has sort of a velvety look to it, and a little bit of gloss.
Semi-gloss- What I most often use.  Has a nice subtle shine, without being too shiny.  It reflects light nicely, and holds up to lots of scrubbing due to finger prints!  
Glossy- This paint finish has almost a reflective quality to it.  It will magnify any surface imperfections, so keep that in mind.  Very washable and durable.  Not often used on walls, but works nicely for trims, cabinets, and furniture.

A First time for everything!

It's been 16 years since I graduated from high school. Unbelievable! 16 years! In those

16 years I've lived in 5 states and moved 19 times. I am so excited that for the first time in

16 years, I am FINALLY completely unpacked! I have never been this settled anywhere since

I was 18 years old. It's a first for me! This may seem ridiculous to you, but it is HUGE and

monumental in my life. I finally was able to get to the last of the boxes, and the storage

room of miscellaneous stuff this week. Good riddance to the last of the moving boxes, and

may I not have to see any more of you for a LONG time!

It's pretty sad when you fill up every available garbage can with junk you've been holding

onto, and moving around the country for years and never have used. I took three car loads

of stuff to Goodwill too. All of this was just from the storage room in the basement.

Absolutely embarrassing, and I'm not living like that anymore!

Speaking of firsts.....as of this week it's the first time I've been able to finally get to

unpacking and organizing our bedroom from our move over 2 years ago....yeah, pretty

sad...I know. I always unpack the kids stuff first so that the transition is easier for them,

and with this move I just never got to our room. I finally know exactly where everything

is, and I LOVE it! I love color coding my drawers and my closet. I love being organized!

More firsts:

-It's the first time in my married life that I've lived somewhere for over 2 years!

It feels so good!

-As of last week, it is the first time in over a year that Ryan and I have not had to have one or more kids sleeping in our room with us in over a year. YUP! Over a year of that! Joseph was

such a bugger about staying in his "big boy bed" that it has taken over a year for him to

comply and stay in his bed. I've been having to deal with him at all hours of the night, and it would wake up Luke, and I didn't think that was fair to him. So between Luke sleeping in our room, a newborn, sick kids, kids having nightmares, etc. it's been quite an ordeal just to get a decent nights sleep for me!

-For the first time in 9 years (since my oldest was born) I've been able to sleep in two days this past week. My kind husband got up with the kids, and let me sleep because he knows just how exhausted I am. Isn't that sweet?

So, yeah.....Life is settling down and I'm starting to get into a groove. It's only taken 16 years!

Random Answers to Random Questions

Since I wrote the post on my testimony back in September, I've had several people

e-mail me with questions semi-related to that post. They seem to be the same

reoccurring questions, so I thought that I would just go ahead and answer them! The

first three questions are kind of similar in their answer, so I am just going to answer

them all at the same time.

Ryan and I at Lake Michigan

Question: Since you never wanted to marry a pastor, how is it you ended

up with Ryan? What attracted you to Ryan? What was your first

impression of him?

Answer: I met Ryan through a mutual friend. I had just moved back home

temporarily while I was waiting to figure out my next step...I was 22 years old.

This mutual friend had told me about this wonderful, talented, good-looking, single,

new, youth pastor at their church. I was sort of dating somebody at the time and not

really looking, but she kept bugging me about it, and so I figured, "what's it gonna

hurt?" She actually hired me to do some filing, copying, etc. for their church office

as a way of putting Ryan and I in the same building so we could meet.

He was really super friendly and talkative, but I remember thinking, "Oh, one of

those 'shiny people.' He's not my type." By "shiny" I mean preppy and full of

charisma. He was wearing all American Eagle preppy attire, and every guy I had ever

dated was more of the rugged/outdoorsy type. I'd never been into "preppy." Ryan's

boldness also threw me off guard. He is very gifted in the way of "shmoozing" and can

talk to anybody. I personally took it as insincerity, and figured "I know his type!" I

did think that he was good looking, and thought he had very pretty blue eyes, and

really good hair.

I wasn't living for the Lord at that time and wasn't interested in being in a

relationship with anybody that was on fire for God. I continued my life as it was, kept

dating various guys, and occasionally would run into Ryan. Every time I saw him, I

would flirt with him and he would try to get to know me better, but nothing ever

became of it. This went on for about a year and a half. I actually kept mentioning him

to various girlfriends of mine, and would say, "You should get to know him. He's

really nice, he's just not my type." That whole year and a half he was in the back of my

mind, and that really bothered me. During that time, my brother had gotten to know

Ryan, and my parents kept hearing good things about him, and they were all

encouraging me to get to know him. I finally called him, and invited him to a Bible

study I was going to, thinking that for sure if I just spent more time with him, it would

be obvious that it wouldn't work out and I could move on. Plus it would get my

parents, my brother, and this mutual friend off of my back. Well that's not exactly

how it played out, obviously! Right after I had invited him to Bible Study, I turned my

life around, and he asked me out on a date 5 days later. What is hilarious, is that on

this first date with Ryan I completely dumped all of my baggage on him. I know you

aren't supposed to do that on your first date, but I intentionally did it to try to scare

him off. I actually even said, "if you can't handle who I am, then you know where the

door is." He just sat there for a minute and said, "all I can say is that you're forgiven,

if that is what you are asking for." "Shoot," I thought, "that didn't work the way it

was supposed to!"

What attracted me to Ryan? Hmmm....Well the fact that my family liked him

already was a huge plus. He already had been through college, had a job, and had

clear direction for his life. He has a gorgeous tenor singing voice and he plays the

guitar...being musically gifted was at the top of my "wanted" list for a guy. He also is

from a very similar background and family: Predominately Christian, same

socio-economic status, same doctrinal beliefs, etc. Other than the external things I

just listed, I felt safe with him. I remember one of the very first times he came over to

my parents house, we watched a movie. During one of the scenes there was a very

attractive women who didn't have a lot of clothing on. He looked away from the t.v.

and told me to tell him when he could look again. That made such a HUGE

impression on me, because it is so out of the norm for guys to do that. Most of the

guys I had dated would not only stare at other women, but comment on them too.

They had the "look but don't touch" policy. That always made me feel very insecure

and angry. Ryan still does that to this day. Instead of just watching the scene or the

commercial, he looks away. I've never seen him follow another women with his eyes

yet! I appreciate that about him because I know I can trust him completely when he

is traveling, when he's on the internet, etc. Plus, it is such a great example for my

boys. They already, at 3 and 6 years old, turn away from "yucky ladies" and "protect

their eyes." I also felt safe with him, because he never has used "my baggage" or the

stuff I had shared with him about my past against me. He never has asked me about

it, and it's never made him controlling or suspicious. He trusts me and gives me

room and space to just be me. He knows that if I want to talk through something

that's bugging me, I'll do it when I'm ready. I LOVE that about him!

Ryan is hilarious, and his sense of humor really stood out to me right from the

beginning. He makes even mundane tasks and days fun.

Ryan isn't at all what I thought I would end up with, but God knew what I needed!

Question: How do you guys work together as a team in ministry,

parenting, and in your marriage?

Answer: Ministry: That's kind of a tough one. We are still working through this. I

feel pretty competent in just about any given area in the church as far as ministry

goes. I sort of just plug in wherever I'm needed, or wherever Ryan has a staffing

gap that needs to be filled. They usually aren't long term commitments, but I do

them until I can train somebody else to do it. I see my main job as to be a support

to Ryan. We do a lot of brainstorming and idea formulation at home. He runs a

lot of issues, problems and stuff by me just for him to be able to process them and

work through them. I also need to be available as a mom to my own children at

church. If there are discipline issues, or one of the kids is hurt or not feeling well,

I need to be able to tend to them since Ryan isn't ever available on Sunday's. I try

not to commit to things that will keep me from doing that!

Parenting: We are definitely on the same page. We have the same big picture ideals

and goals. We are still trying to figure out how to reach those goals. With Ryan's

work schedule, responsibilities, speaking engagements,etc. his time at home with

the kids varies drastically. He is very purposeful though about his time when he

is here. His days off are sacred family time, and he is pretty good about being

engaged with the family on those days. I would say that I am definitely the

stricter and more structured one of the two of us. Ryan does hold the kids

accountable when he gets home for how they acted while he was away. If the kids

have been in trouble with me, or disrespectful, their daddy isn't going to

appreciate that, and there will be consequences! I think we work pretty well as a

team in this area.

Marriage: We by no means have a perfect marriage, but we have a pretty good

one. I think we probably compliment each other in how we work as a team around

the house. The things I HATE doing (ironing, unloading the dishwasher, folding

clothes, etc.) he likes to do. Yeah, I know it's out of the ordinary for a man to LIKE

to do those things. He is very much obsessive compulsive about a lot of things, and

all of those jobs are perfect for him because he likes them done a certain way! I

would rather be out mowing the lawn, raking, gardening, etc. which are all things

he can't stand because of his allergies, and they just aren't that exciting to him. My

mom reminds me frequently just how spoiled I am to have a man that will help out

around the house like Ryan does.

As far as the inter-personal part of our relationship, we are learning and growing

together. We don't really fight or disagree a whole lot. The few fights we have had

were over money and his work schedule...probably what most couple's fight over. Ryan

likes to talk things out right away, and I have to have time to think things through and

process them before I will talk. I hate discussions that are all emotional because it gets

caught in the emotions of the moment. I would rather wait and calm down, and discuss

things when we both can think clearly. We try to meet in the middle somewhere and be

accommodating to each other.

We probably don't speak each other's love language that well. He shows love

through doing things to be helpful. Whereas, I feel loved when I spend quality time

with him. I show love by doing things to be helpful and quality time, when he is

probably a physical affection/verbal affirmation kind of guy. We are still trying to figure

each other out!

We do have a lot of fun together. We "get" each others sense of humor, and are

very similar in that way. He loves doing adventurous things, and is pretty spontaneous

like myself. We laugh, play, and work hard together!

We are both, well...very different from each other. Thank goodness too, because I

wouldn't want to marry myself! He has been a good husband and a good father to our

kids. I'm thankful for him, because in a lot of ways he has shown me an earthly

example of what my heavenly father extends towards me. (unconditional love, mercy,

grace, and forgiveness.)

Question: What college did you and your husband go to?

Answer: Ryan went to Cedarville University in Cedarville, Ohio

I went to Appalachian Bible College in West Virginia, Frontier School of the Bible in

Wyoming, Northwestern Michigan College, and did a couple of years of correspondence

classes through Trinity College of the Bible in Indiana. I was basically just looking for

a husband, not a degree! : )

Okay, I'm answered out for now! I hope that answers the questions that you asked in a

thorough enough way! There are a couple of other questions I didn't answer, but they

more pertained to Pastor's kids, and I will cover that in another post.

Not ME MONDAY!

My kids just crack me up on a continuous basis. Why? Probably because they have the same quirky sense of humor, and lack of internal conversations as I do. They just blurt out whatever comes to mind. They say that kids are a mirror that reflect their parents. How true in this case! Sometimes I have to wonder if just the mere fact that I am their mother isn't the biggest strike they have against them. I guess though that if I can't just laugh at some of these things, I'm doomed!

The last few weeks my kids have said and done some crazy stuff. They've really had some doozies that are just too good to not share with you! In the infamous style of McMamma, here are my favorites.

I have talked with my daughter since a very early age, about appropriate and inappropriate behavior and touching with boys. I've also encouraged her to be very brave about having good boundaries with boys. I have always told her that if a boy ever touches her inappropriately, she has my permission to slap him and tell him he is to treat her like a lady. There is a little boy at church that has a crush on Molly, and is always pestering her. Well, last Sunday Molly came and found me right after Sunday School, and she was furious! This young man had positioned himself in her class so that he was sitting next to her. Every time Molly stood up, this young man would stick his hand out on her seat, so that when she sat down again, she would sit down on his hand. So after she relaid this story to me, I asked her what she did about it. Much to my amusement, she did not then tell me that she hit him, stood up, planted herself right in front of this boy, and started singing the late 1980's song, "You Can't Touch This" by MCHammer.That's my girl! Every scenario in my life reminds me of lyrics to a song. I was actually quite proud of her for standing up for herself.

Since my kids are at church so much, they sometimes feel a little too comfortable there on Sunday's, and can sometimes be seen running like wild gypsy children around the church, and letting out whooping war cries. That behavior isn't appreciated by most, so I have been working on training them to walk in the halls, talk with their indoor voices, etc. like nice little pastor's kids. Well, Joseph, my just barely 3 year old, doesn't quite always remember to observe these new rules, and last Sunday was one of those occasions. So, when we got home from church I was talking to him about it. He didn't particularly care for our conversation, and told me he "doesn't want to be quiet and walk at church."

I said, "I know you don't want to, but you need to obey Mommy."

"Why? I don't like to obey." He replied.

"Because in the Bible God tells little boys to obey their Mommies," was the best reply I could come up with.

Joseph most certainly did not then place his hands on his hips, look my straight in the eyes, and say, "My Bible doesn't say that!"

I, of all people, didn't then decide that it was a pointless argument to have with an over tired 3 year old, give up, and just put him in bed. I'm much more diligent then that!

This same little three year old boy has not been going around saying, "Hey baby!" to random women and girls in the store, as well as a couple of our neighbors. Where did he learn that? I have Porky from The Little Rascals movie to thank for that one!

Speaking of neighbors....Our neighbors that live right next door to us are the sweetest little couple. They are in their late 70's and have been very much like grandparents to my children since we moved here two years ago. "Miss Mary," as my kids call her has a very painful gum disease which is causing all of her teeth to die and fall out. Bless her heart, she is so embarrassed by this, and will hardly ever smile or look at you in the eyes anymore. I will admit that even as an adult it is hard to talk to her without staring at her mouth sometimes. My son, Luke, didn't just find this dear old lady's dental predicament to be particularly puzzling one day, and blurted out, "Miss Mary, do you ever brush your teeth?" Poor lady...she didn't know quite what to say. She just replied, "Well, of course I do!" Luke didn't just continue without his conversational filter off then and retorted, "You would never know it!" Oh, he can be such a little blessing sometimes! I wanted to disappear through the crack in the sidewalk! I then had to politely excuse myself, whisk him home, explain about Miss Mary's teeth, and then make him go back and apologize.

Ah....then there is Luke and the toilet. Recently he used the toilet (without lifting the lid up) and sprayed all over the seat. Molly was the next to use it, and absolutely had a conniption that she had sat down in urine. So, I went to talk to Luke and remind him about good manners when using the bathroom. I told him he needs to always lift the seat up, and ALWAYS make sure he cleans up any mess he left behind.

He did not then reply to me, "But mom, I always do! I wipe off the toilet seat with either my shirt sleeve or the hand towel in the bathroom. I just forgot today."

I was rather horrified and said, "What? You use the hand towel?" Thinking that I was upset about the towel not getting hung back up, (that's one of my pet peeves) he most certainly did not quickly defend his actions with, "Yes, mom. I always hang it back up though!"

"How long have you been doing this with the hand towel?" I asked.

"Oh, since we lived in Seattle." He replied.

Yeah, that was 2 1/2 years ago. No wonder virus' fly around this house so quickly. I still am completely grossed out when I think about this. I guess it's a good thing I change the hand towel every night.

This little lady hasn't just decided to quit being so passive and laid back, and start learning to do things for herself. No, I'm serious on this one actually. At 8 months old, Maggie just has no desire and no intention of holding her own bottle, crawling, talking, etc. I'm just fine with that though. I'm kind of enjoying babying her a little bit more, because I know how quickly they grow up, and how much I will miss this stage someday.

Hope you have a great Monday!